Relationships: Mars & The Gift of Autonomy

This is the first post in a series on Sidereal Astrology For Relationships. This first post is about Mars & The Gift of Autonomy.

I am now offering Sidereal Astrology Readings for Couples. Limited appointments available. Schedule here.

We each have two fundamental and equally important needs that we seek to have met inside relationships. And there are all kinds of relationships where this happens. Familial, friendship/platonic, communal, romantic, and those that don’t fit neatly inside the confines of those relationship structures.

We have the need for connection–to be accepted and approved of. And we have the need for  autonomy– to feel our bodies, our feelings, and our identities as separate autonomous. However, each of us has a unique hierarchy of survival that shapes which fundamental need takes precedence, how, why, and when. Your sidereal birth chart is an invaluable and versatile tool to name and understand your hierarchy and the experiences that have defined it.

Square graphic with muted light gray background. 5 balloons in a row close to the ground. 4 are white, 1 is red. The 2nd in the row is the red one floating above the rest. Text in white reads SIDEREAL ASTROLOGY FOR RELATIONSHIPS. Text in red reads MARS & THE GIFT OF AUTONOMY. Text in white beneath that says BY DAYNA LYNN NUCKOLLS.
Mars & The Gift of Autonomy by Dayna Lynn Nuckolls

Understanding the wounds, coping strategies, and gifts of your sidereal birth chart is an efficient and comprehensive guide to navigate the relational dance of togetherness and separateness.

Mars, Conflict, and Survival

That fundamental need for autonomy is signified by the condition of the planet Mars in your sidereal birth chart. In fact, autonomy is what I call the “gift” of Mars. More on that in a bit.

Conflict in our relationships is fundamentally about the struggle for autonomy. Autonomy generally equates to having a measure of control over oneself, one’s feelings, one’s self image, and freedom of movement. Mars in your sidereal birth chart is going to have much to say about your conflict style. When we compare your Mars with your partner’s Mars we can see the specifics of what’s at the root of much of the conflict in your and create tools for how to navigate it.

There are situations where autonomy is seen as a threat to your survival, like when you grow up in a high control group or under the thumb of a codependent caregiver. There are also situations where autonomy is your only means to survive because there is no one else to rely on.

Mars and the Wound of Abandonment

Wounds most simply are our experiences inside relationships. They can occur at any point in life, but it is our earliest experiences with our caregivers that shape the world we adapt to in order to survive. Although there is likely a negative judgment attached to the general usage of the term wound, I mean it here with no inherent value judgment attached. Wounds can be malignant or benign, willful or passive. 

Some wounds dominate our experiences more than others. Other wounds feature less prominently. No matter how they are experienced, everyone experiences wounds. We survive as adaptations to that world long after we have aged and moved on to new places and phases in life. Abandonment is one of those wounds that we all experience in one way or another, and it is the wound of the planet Mars. 

One partner’s Mars may tell the story of mostly malignant experiences of abandonment during childhood. They may have been disowned, willfully or passively left to take care of themselves without any adult supervision or care. Maybe they were alienated because they had a different father than the rest of the children in the family. Their anger at these experiences kept emotional distance between them and the rest of the family.

Another partner may have experienced mostly benign abandonment. They had experiences where they got to see what they were capable of doing on their own without having to shoulder age inappropriate responsibilities. Perhaps they were given the freedom to explore their need for autonomy, yet they were still held when they needed help. They might have been allowed to embody and express all emotions, even when those emotions made their caregivers feel uncomfortable.

Coping With Abandonment

Coping strategies are how we survive and adapt to our wounds. They are the tools we carry with us in expectation of having to survive those relationship experiences again and again. Coping strategies are evidence of what we have survived and the fact that we have survived. They are there when we inevitably need them to help us navigate the realities of relating and surviving. They can also be stumbling blocks that keep us from getting other important needs met.

The partner who has experienced mostly malignant abandonment learned to cope with that abandonment by emotionally isolating, or by preemptively severing from those they become close to. They may engage in reckless behavior that negatively impacts their loved ones. Their experiences didn’t equip them with the tools to be close in a relationship, even though they might crave the feelings of deep connection and acceptance. Still, they unintentionally find themselves bracing for abandonment.

The partner who experienced mostly benign forms of abandonment would likely have a sense of autonomy that is less disruptive to the relationship. They are able to sever when there is danger or when their emotional or physical boundaries have been violated. They would be able to maintain a measure of emotional autonomy inside a close relationship, holding on to themselves and their emotional truth without. They would be able to take risks without necessarily making their partner the collateral damage.

The Gift of Autonomy

Gifts are the ultimate goal that we strive to manifest inside relationships. These gifts can be accessed via the privilege of being born in the right place at the right time, with the right gender expression, racial appearance, sexual predilections, or class station. They can also be hard won in spite of, or even because of, our malignant wounds. Autonomy is one of those gifts.

The person who had malignant experiences of abandonment (death of a parent, being disowned, having to care for themselves or siblings while a parent worked, etc) might get to that autonomy in a way that disrupts or sabotages their relationship. Autonomy wasn’t a product of the presence, care, and attention of a competent adult. It was foisted on them when they had no agency, no option to say no.

How might this partner learn to express and embody that need for autonomy inside the closeness of an intimate partnership? The condition of Mars in this person’s sidereal birth chart will provide the context in the form of tasks and tools, and the timing of how and when this can happen for them.

Without having gone through hardship to arrive at the gift of autonomy, the partner who had mostly benign experiences of abandonment might be willing and able to model the tools they were gifted through those experiences. Maybe they are aware of their strengths and abilities and are better able to gauge when their partner is doing something that might have unintended consequences.

Perhaps this partner’s emotional boundaries mean that the relationship is not workable. The struggle for autonomy is just not an experience that is familiar or tolerable for them. Willingness and endurance are two of the most important traits required to navigate these kinds of differences.

Do you know the condition of Mars in your sidereal birth chart? What are the differences and similarities between the condition of your Mars and your partner’s Mars? Learn about this and much more in a Sidereal Astrology For Couples Reading.

Sidereal Astrology For Couples Readinghttps://orcle.me/couples

Guide: How To Cast Your Sidereal Solar Return Chart

This guide contains written and visual instruction for casting your sidereal solar return chart using astro.com. I suggest that you familiarize yourself with my Guide: How To Create Your Sidereal Birth Chart first.

Navigate your web browser of choice to https://www.astro.com. If you have an account, log in. If you do not have an account, make one and follow the instructions for casting your sidereal birth chart.

Once you navigate to www.astro.com, follow the instructions below to cast your sidereal solar reaturn

1. Click the three lines at the top of the homepage if you are on a desktop or laptop computer. The three lines will be in the upper right corner on the mobile version of astro.com.

Astro.com Hompage

2. Click “FREE HOROSCOPES” in the menu that opens.

Main Menu

3. When the menu expands, click “HOROSCOPE DRAWINGS & DATA.”

Free Horoscopes Menu

4. On the next menu, click “EXTENDED CHART SELECTION.”

Horoscope Drawings & Data Menu

5. On the Extended Chart Selection page next to “HOROSCOPE FOR:” choose the name of the person you would like to cast the solar return chart for.
6. Click “CHART TYPE”. Scroll down to the “SOLAR AND LUNAR RETURNS” section, and click “SOLAR RETURN CHART.”

Extended Chart Selection

7. In the “START DATE” option, type the year you would to cast the solar return chart for.

Extended Chart Selection Page

8. Under the “ZODIAC AND HOUSES” section, choose the following options:

  • HOUSE SYSTEM: Whole Signs
  • ZODIAC: Sidereal
  • AYANAMSHA: Hindu/Lahiri

9. Click the “SHOW THE CHART” button to see the solar return chart.

9.

Mercury Retrograde Fall 2022

One of many things I’m watching for during this fall’s Mercury retrograde in sidereal Virgo is the aspect of intellectual debate and general conversation where people are having two different conversations. Systems thinking versus binary thinking. Inductive versus deductive reasoning.

Individualism precludes pattern recognition, specifically with regard to causes of behavior and remedies for our present challenges as humans.

In individualism, everything comes down to individual agency. Pattern recognition tends to reveal the fact that causes are not individual and neither are solutions.

It happens all the time in conversations on social media. The recognition and naming of a pattern makes people feel like their individuality and identity is being erased. We struggle to pull the lens back and see the containers that individual human experiences occur in.

Actual solidarity becomes scary in this way because the environment for connection is rotted by capitalism. It puts our access to food and shelter in the opposite direction of connection. When in fact, food and shelter is on the path of connection.

But how do we connect?

Mercury Retrograde in Sidereal Virgo

Mercury is gonna spend about 10 weeks in sidereal Virgo. It will oppose Jupiter in sidereal Pisces 3 times! Here is some guidance that may help you navigate this time more intentionally.

Just because you hear and comprehend the words some says doesn’t equate to you understanding meaning.

Context clues cover a multitude of sins. And a lot of times the context is the relationship itself, how you know them… if you know them at all.

Curiosity and asking questions are an alternative to telling people they are wrong. Nuance is truly your best friend.

Literalism + black & white thinking can be a communication strategy born of living in high stress environments/relationships where your safety + survival is at stake.

A very effective communication strategy is to always ask, “did I understand you correctly? Is _____ what you meant?”

And sometimes it’s not worth it to engage in conversations where both parties aren’t curious enough to ask questions and question their own assumptions.

Jumping to conclusions based on your own context that others may not be aware of is asking for hurt feelings.

Sometimes extending grace looks like you considering that you might have misunderstood someone, asking questions, and seeking mutual understanding before forming judgements, whether emotional or intellectual. Collect more data first!

Originally tweeted by Dayna Lynn Nuckolls (@PeoplesOracle) on August 16, 2022.

Saturn, Its Return, And Possibility…

Saturn transits, especially the Saturn return, forces us to focus. You get real clear on what matters, and often against your will. And it’s generally not what you thought or wanted to matter

The dread of the Saturn return is that this world has not prepared you to confront your mortality, the limits of your personal power, and the limits of your body. You have been deprived of a right relationship with those things.

The optimism of youth is necessary to survive. And post 1st Saturn return sobriety is necessary to thrive. (The 2nd Saturn return can bring a revival of seemingly endless possibility after have done all that one “should” have done by 60.)

Part of the reason you hear so many stories of people finding a sense of purpose, meaningful work, and even community past 40 and 50 is because life has eliminated so many possibilities. It quenches the confusion by decreasing your options.

The illusion of choice seduces us into living, grasping for a future when. And the destruction of those illusions illuminates real possibility. Knowing what you really have to work with empowers you to get to work!

My Saturn return gifted me revelation about the sidereal zodiac. And when I tell you that this work was not in my realm of possibility, not even when I started, and definitely at no point before I started.

Life eliminated so much, literally just by me living it. This is what I was left to work with.

And this is truly what Saturn is about. It's soothing to have fewer options. Eliminates the fear of choosing wrong. This is why we gravitate towards and create binaries.

One thing that drives us from our core, but is denied fiercely, is the desire to do a good job. To perform well. To be validated and rewarded for it. To reach the milestone and be congratulated. To have evidence that we are progressing as we should. Evidenced by social acceptance

Saturn is the container this happens in. I define Saturn as the socially determined material consequences for existing. Of course, the ultimate consequence for existing is death. But there is so much in between birth and death. Saturn is there too.

I'm thinking of the World card in the tarot as one of many representations of Saturn amongst the 78 cards.

The World asks "did I make it? Did I reach the finish line? Did I rightly discern the limits of my body and the possibilities of time?"

I think this is also what’s behind the idea of procrastination. The limits of time engender an urgency to act.

Saturn has retrograded back into sidereal Capricorn. Earlier this year I offered a Saturn Return Workshop for those with Saturn in Sidereal Aquarius. You can find the contents of that presentation here. I’ll be presenting a workshop for those with Saturn in sidereal Capricorn on September 24, 2022. You can register for that here: Saturn Return in Sidereal Capricorn Workshop.

You can read what I wrote about Saturn’s transit through sidereal Capricorn back when it first began in January 2020: orcle.me/satcap20

In August I will facilitate a Saturn return workshop for those with Saturn in sidereal Capricorn.

These are the dates for the Saturn return in sidereal Capricorn generations:

1st
March 20, 1990 – June 20, 1990
December 14, 1990 – March 5, 1993
October 15, 1993- November 9, 1993

2nd
February 1, 1961 – September 1961
October 7, 1961 – January 27, 1964

The Most Important Planet(s) In Your Sidereal Birth Chart

Dominance and prominence are designations given to planets. These designations help determine which planets have the most influence in your sidereal birth chart. Planets in your sidereal birth chart represent the people in your life and your experiences in relationships with them. Dominant and prominent planets are the people and relationships that have the most influence in your life.

Dominant planets are calculated by examining the concentration of signs in your sidereal birth chart. Dominant planets say who the people are that have had control of your circumstances and have had responsibility for you. They tell you what the dominant experiences have been in your relationships.

Prominent planets are calculated by examining the position of planets in your sidereal birth chart (proximity to the Ascendant, Midheaven, or Descendant.) Prominent planets say who has had power in your life and over your environment. Prominent planets often explain why you might resonate with the interpretation of certain sidereal zodiac sign(s) even though you do not have any planets occupying those signs. It is because the ruler of said sign(s) are place prominently in your sidereal birth chart.

Learn how to calculate the most dominant and prominent planet(s) in your sidereal birth chart in this lecture. Calculating Dominant & Prominent Planets in Your Sidereal Birth Chart.

Chart Ruler?

There are so many ways to understand the dominant and prominent planets in your sidereal birth chart. In sidereal planet, this planet/these planets is your rightful chart ruler. The ruler of your ascendant (rising sign) is not always your chart ruler. It’s not for most people.

Jupiter in sidereal Sagittarius being most the prominent AND dominant planet in my birth chart means that I always have Jupiter figures entering my life, like godfathers. Protecting me, encouraging me, sometimes giving me money, counsel, or connecting me with other people.

They are usually men who are older than me, like an uncle or big brother. Even in my family, there has always been way more men than women who were regularly present and close.

The most dominant planet in your sidereal birth chart is the planet that has the most influence based on the signs occupied in your birth chart. The most prominent planet in your chart is the planet that has the most influence based on the position it occupies.

Sometimes the most dominant planet is also the most prominent planet. Sometimes it’s not. Some people don’t have a most dominant or prominent planet. Sometimes you have more than one in each category.

Prominence As The Missing Piece

The most prominent planet your sidereal birth can be the most telling (if you have one) because it usually explains why you identify with certain signs that are not occupied in your birth chart.

For example, you might not have any placements in sidereal Scorpio or Aries, but Mars is the most prominently placed planet in your birth chart. Mars might be in the same sign as your Ascendant. Maybe it’s the only planet conjunct your Moon.

I happen to have the same planet as my most dominant (by signs) and most prominent (by position/place.) You may have the same planet as your most prominent & dominant if the ruler of your ascendant is in the same sign as your ascendant (sidereal Libra rising + Venus in sidereal Libra.)

If you have a planet in the same sign as the Midheaven, then that planet may be the most dominant and prominent.

Remember, planets are people and our relationships with people. Sidereal zodiac signs articulate our personal hierarchy of relationship (survival) priorities. So, if Mars is your most dominant planet, that means Mars is at the top of your hierarchy.

That means that Mars, experiences of alienation (differences can’t be concealed) and abandonment, are significant themes in your relationships. These are the experiences you’ve had to survive. These experiences have defined your relationship priorities which are also your survival priorities.

This would also be true if Mars is your most prominent planet.

Learn how to calculate the most dominant and prominent planet(s) in your sidereal birth chart in this lecture. Calculating Dominant & Prominent Planets in Your Sidereal Birth Chart.

This download includes 48 minutes of audio and 4 worksheets guiding you through calculating the dominant & prominent planets in your sidereal birth chart. Audio recording includes an extensive question and answer session.